30.9.07

Rosie O’Donnell’s Terrorist Fans

Terrorist leaders are weighing in on Rosie O’Donnell’s geopolitical rantings.

Ramadan Adassi, the terrorist head of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, has said that he agrees with O’Donnell’s views. And Ala Senakreh, the West Bank Chief of the same terrorist group, is inviting Rosie to come on a fact-finding visit and live with them for a while.

“We welcome Rosie O'Donnell to stay among us and to get to know the truth from being here,” Senakreh said, according to author Aaron Klein.

O’Donnell’s rep says the idea that terrorists have picked Rosie for their pin-up poster is “absurd.”

But when you look at Rosie’s statements, it doesn’t seem that far-fetched.

Assisting in making the monsters appear cuddly, O’Donnell said, “Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers.”

Helping to take the terrorists off the hook for the events of 9/11, she informed folks that the buildings were brought down in order to get rid of documents that incriminated Enron and other corporations.

Relieving the Iranian government of responsibility, the blustering blogger suggested that the Bush administration orchestrated the kidnapping of fifteen British sailors as a pretext for war.

Lending a hand to terrorist mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed who had confessed to more than 30 terrorist plots and the 9/11 attack, O’Donnell spread the word that the confession had been coerced via U.S. torture.

And who could forget when Rosie announced that our country had treated the Guantanamo inmates “like animals” and subjected them to “torture … on a daily basis.”

What does her rhetoric portend?

Rosie will be back on the tube real soon—on Al Jazeera.

The former object of Rosie’s affection, Tom Cruise, apparently intends to construct a $10 million bunker under his home in Telluride in order to keep wife Katie Holmes and daughter Suri safe from an intergalactic alien attack.

Cruise does have some interplanetary experience. After all, he starred in Steven Spielberg’s 2005 flick “War of the Worlds.”

According to Star Magazine, Cruise plans to hunker down in a bunker because of his devotion to the Church of Scientology. He reportedly believes that “an evil revenge attack” is being plotted by Xenu, a dethroned galactic potentate.

The structure will purportedly be “a self-contained underground shelter” with high tech air purifying capability.

Cruise’s rep denies the report and says it’s “completely untrue.”

Even though Hollywood publicists aren’t anxious to admit their clients have concerns over interstellar invasions from outer space, politicians are chomping at the bit to have another shot at a guest worker program.

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